The Vineyard's Song

I started through Isaiah this morning and one of the passages really hit me. I reached Isaiah 5 and it is a parable. This parable (or story) is about a man who is going to build a vineyard on a 'fertile hillside'. He cleared the land of stones and picked the best plants to go there. He then built a watch tower and a winepress and waits for the crops to come.

Of course as any farmer or gardener you assume that if you do everything right you will get good crops. Well so did this planter...When the vines started to grow it only produced 'bad fruit.' So Isaiah asks:

"What more could have been done for my vineyard than I have done for it? When I looked for good grapes, why did it yield only bad?"

He then describes what he is going to do because the fruit turned out bad.

"I will take away its hedge, and it will be destroyed; I will break down its wall, and it will be trampled. I will make it a wasteland, neither pruned nor cultivated, and briers and thorns will grow there. I will command the clouds not to rain on it."

After reading that I stopped. And re-read it and re-read it again. It hit me...hard. The passage is talking about how God plants good seeds in our lives for us to prosper and grow. But usually we turn out 'bad fruit' so to say. So He takes it away from us. He breaks us down so we are vulnerable. He makes it dry and makes us thirst for Him but He won't send rain.

I realized yesterday that I have been feeling kind of comfortable where I am right now and it put me in a funk. Coming back from Colorado and the amazing time I had out there fueled me for a little bit but not my life has turned mundane. I want the uncomfortable again because it made me grow. Spending a semester at FLI, during the first week I asked God to break down my walls (cause I have quite a few) and to make me vulnerable. He did indeed do that. I struggled through a lot of things and came out so much stronger in the end. But I miss the mind bending and heart mending conversations I had with my friends out there. And I am starting to thirst for that kind of spiritual growth again.

Another big thing that hit me with this passage was; "I will take away its hedge, and it will be destroyed..." Vines need something to grown on but take that away and they fall hard. Sometimes you can grow on something that is not good for you...or depend too much. So when that is taken away....it's really bad. In Colorado I met this guy, (at the institute) and we got along really well. I don't really have a definition for it but we were pretty much kinda dating when we were out there. But with him living in Oklahoma and me in new jersey...long distance has been really hard and we are seeing what the summer brings. When we graduated and left the institute it was really hard to say goodbye to everyone because I live so far! My one friend, when he was leaving, gave me a hug and said, "Don't let your guy be put before God, because if he is, God will take it away." That stuck with me...even though, at the time I was half asleep, he had just woken me up.

I have given my relationship with him up to God a lot and believe me when I say...easier said than done. The long distance is hard and even harder when there is no definition of what we are. So I have been building my trust that God will let it all work out. But yes because I am human, I have struggled in keeping God first and when ever that happens I see it slipping away. And can hear God just saying, "Kaitlin, watch it. Remember me and who I am." So as I continue to grow and trust in Him I hope I can be the vine that is not dependent on some bad stuff (I don't know much about vines) but on a strong, sturdy, stable thing that won't let me down. And I will be working on letting that be God.

changed forever

Let's see...life has been a whirlwind the past few months and it would take a book to talk about everything I have been through. But now I am at school for the summer working on my tan at the pool as a lifeguard! But there has been a lot of down time which is unusual for me. So getting used to it has been a transition.

So to preface a little bit. I spent the past semester in Colorado Springs, Colorado at Focus Leadership Institute. It was an...amazing experience. There are so many better words I can use for the semester but it's hard to put it in other words. I did a lot of reading, exploring the beautiful mountains of Colorado and had experiences and met people that have changed my life forever. And although that may sound so cliche and redundant it is so true and there are no other ways to explain it.

So being home now away from my amazing friends has been quite the transition. My class had 44 people in it and with classes together, meals together, living in apartments together, and pretty much doing everything together to being spread across the country has been hard. These people made me think and ask questions that I had never thought about before. I started thinking about things like:

Why am I the way I am?

What has shaped me?

Is what I believe really real?

What baffles my mind and breaks my heart?

Where do I see myself in a few years; school-wise, spiritually, ect?

What is one attribute about God that annoys or upsets you the most?

...and many others. My class mates and I wrestled with what it means to be a young Christian adult in todays culture and society and how we can be world changers. How we can bring the truth and light of Christ to a world who is so against us. I learned so much and I know I will be processing it for years to come. Which will be the fun part.

I only wish I wasn't 16 hours from my closet friend.