We're the kids...we're the kids...we're the kids of the future

I got a text from my roommate this morning saying "Don't fear the future, God's already there." I am a college student and lets say I think of the future a lot. Like what kind of major do I want to take to get a good job? What kind of job do I want? Always about the future.....I feel like I am not old enough to be making these decisions that are being forced upon me.

Like for instance I play field hockey at the college I go to and I am currently deciding whether or not I want to play next year. I have played for 8 years and it has been my life for that long. I love the sport but feel God pulling me in other directions. But I am not sure if it is really him or my head.

You know from Mulan where, I think it is in Mulan II, where she is talking to these three princesses about their arranged marriages and they ask about what she would listen to her heart or her head. And she said she would listen to her heart. I wish I could do that. My heart and head seemed to be intertwined that I can not tell the difference.

There is a song by DHT called "Listen to your heart":

Listen to your heart

when he's calling for you

listen to your heart

there's nothing else you can do

I don't know where you're going

and I don't know why

but listen to your heart

before you tell him goodbye

I like the song and those lyrics are really nice. I know I need to start listening to my heart and to God. It will be hard I know because sometimes my heart can feel things that are wrong. But that is why I have God on my side.

This is still hard for me to figure out what I need to decide. But I know God's plans for me will come and they will not be late. (Habakkuk 2:3)

sorry I rambled I am a bit drained

afraid of fear?

I was thinking today about a lot of things and I was working on some homework and there was this article about fears.

Fear (says wikipedia) "is an emotional response to a perceived threat. It is a basic survival mechanism occurring in response to a specific stimulus, such aspain or the threat of danger." There are fears that can paralyze your body and some can paralyze your mind. One thing I am most afraid of is people seeing me vulnerable or being vulnerable. So to avoid that I put up walls. When my ex broke up with me I did not want him to see me hurt, so that he would never know how bad it hurt, I acted like it was fine. When my friends hurt me or my family I act like it is fine because I am afraid people will see me vulnerable and able to get hurt. So I act tough.

That is kinda funny because I am not a very tough looking person. I am about 5 ft 5 in, dirty blonde hair and not very frightening.

Afraid of vulnerability has hurt, in some ways, my walk with Christ. It has hindered me in fully committing myself to him and being able to feel vulnerable and giving Him my all. What I seem to be most scared of is giving everything and not being accepted and also being hurt in the process. I know the facts of God never leaving but it is hard sometimes to have faith in the unseen. When in life I have been hurt by people I can see it is a strange concept sometimes to trust in something/someone who is not there. And as a Christian I sometimes do struggle with this.

I just lost my train of thought....but just something to chew on :)

Happy (late) Easter!

Good Friday

Today is Good Friday and sometimes it is good to just set aside some time for thought. I am home for Easter break and the sun is shinning and the weather is amazing! It is weird to think that today, thousands of years ago, Christ was crucified. It is strange to think that he would do that for someone like me and someone like you. For everyone: the murderer, the widow, the CEO and the waitress. I was just sitting in my room earlier and one song came to mind. It is called Why by Nichole Nordeman. It is an amazing song that day in the past the day Christ was hung on that cross. The first time I heard it I think I cried.

I remember playing it for one of my classes in high school and there was a silence after it finished. It makes you think and it is a beautiful song. I hope you get a chance to listen to it this Easter season and think about what Christ did for you because he loves you. It was weird to think how much in a week things had changed for Christ. He walked into Jerusalem on a donkey and people were praising his entry and then just 5 days later those same people were yelling "crucify! blasphemer!" and wanted him dead.

I think I am going to enjoy the beautiful weather outside. I hope everyone has a great Easter with family and stop to think of why we celebrate this day. The day we celebrate His resurrection and the beginning of new life! :)